We begin our story at the end. Or maybe somewhere in the middle. Lord only knows when or how this all ends. A little over a week ago, a couple of people decided to play childish games on Beyoncé’s internet in the beautiful country of South Africa. And it went a little like this: 

South Africans: How petty are you? 

Nigerians: Hold my beer. 

You see, it had been weeks of SA vs Nigeria. Years, really. At this point, I’m unsure when it all started or where the conflict stemmed from. For the most part, Nigerians have always had some sort of online banter with other African countries ranging from light or not-so-lighthearted arguments about who had the better Jollof (believe me, they take this very seriously sometimes) to trading insults around who had less resources, worse governance and public reputation. Over the last couple of years, the banter between SA and Nigeria has been barf-inducing…more than a little beyond unfriendly banter. 

The exchanges between Ghanaians and Nigerians border on playful jabs among cousins. With SA, one’s skin crawls. There is a palpable feeling of hatred between these two groups. Based on my observations, more bile from the SA side, with the Nigerians, just based on pure population strength, ever ready to return serve. 

From the late SA singer AKA’s xenophobic outbursts years ago to the very recent melee surrounding the Nigerian-South African Miss Chidinma Adeshina’s entrance and eventual withdrawal from the Miss South Africa 2024 pageant, the battle has raged on. 

Fresh off the heels of the last vitriolic exchange, some people in South Africa decided to poke the hornet’s nest. The prank? Order Bolt rides in Nigeria and cancel them right before they arrive at their destinations. Oh, and do this on Twitter, where everyone takes little to no time to catch on. 

And how did Nigerians respond? I’m glad you asked. Something like, “I see your knife and I’ll raise you a bazooka”. Nigerians woke up and, in true form, chose violence. Because they are just as ready to play petty internet games. The aim is always to out-petty the other side, whatever that side is. 

What would ensue was pure chaos. The app worked both ways. Remember that population strength? Nigerians got on the app and made sure people all over SA couldn’t make it home after work, so they took it further. Packages were ordered to homes to be paid on delivery, amounting to millions. 

And for a moment, watching the chaos was pure entertainment. Just for a moment. When this saga was done, nobody would be laughing. Not the cab drivers in Nigeria who got played, driving aimlessly to nowhere in the middle of a fuel scarcity. Certainly not the South Africans who got random stuff sent to their homes to be paid on delivery, or those who had to walk miles home after work because there were no cabs available, or the business businesses who took at the very least losses on delivery costs. The 

Nigerians will laugh for a while because, on the one hand, why bring a knife to a gunfight? It’s amazing what a stupid idea it was to play this prank, and I was somewhat tickled by the seemingly appropriate response to it. When the dust and high of “winning” yet another online fight settles, bringing with it a lick of common sense and conscience, perhaps everyone will realise none of it was funny at all. These petty pranks may have cost lives. At the very least, they cost livelihoods. All because a couple of not-so-smart people decided, “You know what would be funny…giggles.” The entire situation left me pondering on quite a few issues: The power of technology to cause harmful disruptions when misapplied, the dangers of groupthink in real time, consequences be damned, and the lingering symptoms of a much deeper and larger conflict. African on African crime. 

At a time in history, we were all united in the struggle for a free South Africa. Nigeria, living up to its reputation as the giant of Africa and playing big brother in the battle against apartheid. It’s truly a shame to see how divided we are now.

South Africans are not outraged by the continued existence of spaces within their own country like Orania where they are not allowed to be in by virtue of their blackness but are upset by the presence of other Africans…Nigerians, specifically. Nigerians are happy to band together and fight any enemy outside while willfully ignoring the enemies within who pillage until there is almost nothing left of what was once a respected beacon of hope for the continent. 

Wild. Truly wild. 

Both sides were wrong. It doesn’t matter who started it. We should all fight our evil instinct. Unfortunately, sometimes leaning into the petty is a delicious indulgence. We shouldn’t, but we do, which makes us human and fallible. A side started, and a side finished. “200m strong”. 

In the end, people probably died that day. The internet is for giggles. Pranks and excesses have wider-reaching consequences than can be immediately foreseen. This latest brouhaha between both sides was nothing to be proud of. 

And ultimately, none of it was funny. When we’re all done with the petty squabbles with each other on the internet, I hope we all remember the larger issues plaguing us and that those we aspire to would never engage in such conduct. Mandela would be turning in his grave.