It is Thanksgiving Day in America. Here are the reasons I am thankful.

I am thankful that despite all our differences, we have all agreed that there is a division of labour – ekelu olu eke.

I am thankful that Muhammadu Buhari has been president of Nigeria for a full 2375 days. If he had not been elected president, he would have been the greatest president Nigeria never had.

I am thankful that Buhari has a whole 549 days remaining in office. I hope that despite his busy schedule, traveling around the globe in search of agbala, that he will find the time to quietly reflect on the state of the country that President Goodluck Jonathan handed over to him on May 29, 2015, versus the state of the country he is leaving behind in 549 days.

I am thankful that we have amended our constitution to state that one can worship the Okija shrine to perfection and still be killed by Ukpaka Ndam shrine.

I am thankful that Vice President Osinbajo has not sued me yet, despite all the newspaper stories about him that I forwarded to the Whatsapp group of my village people.

I am thankful that Bola Tinubu is back in Nigeria (from medical pilgrimage in London) to claim his birthright – the presidency of Nigeria. He will finally prove the ideal of Nigeria which says that anyone found in Nigeria 12 years before an election can be the president of the country – even if nobody knows his real name, real age, real parents, real schools, real height, real eye color or his true commitment to that nation versus his commitment to acquiring wealth by all means necessary.

I am thankful that Orji Uzo Kalu is sacrificing his divine ambition to be president of Nigeria. He is doing so to preserve the triple heritage of the country. What a nice man!

I am thankful that after six years of parroting Sai Baba, we have all agreed that we cannot worship people and still hold them accountable.

I am thankful that I know why the fallen lizard nods its head.

I am thankful that I don’t say “nothing spoil.” When something is spoiled, I say it is spoiled.

I am thankful that I don’t say, “God when.” I do things that make God say, “Henceforth…”

I am thankful that I am a stakeholder. So are the beggar, the truck pusher, the market woman, those who gave 97 per cent, and those who gave five per cent. We are all entitled to an equal part of the stake.

I am thankful that subjugated ghosts of our past are creeping out of the graveyard. They deserve salvation, too.

I am thankful that we know that power comes from the guts of those who want it so badly. It doesn’t drop like Manna from heaven.

I am thankful that I am true to myself. That is the ultimate commandment.

I am thankful that we know that we cannot move the nation forward without touching the so-called untouchables- the so-called anointed. They are the ones whose cancerous roots ran the nation aground.

I am thankful that I am relatively happy despite all the madness around me.

I am thankful that I don’t make myself indispensable. Death will dispense of me, and life will continue. And so it is with you and any man or woman ever born.

I am thankful that the world rotates in two ways simultaneously. One is for the victims of today to become the healers of tomorrow. The other is for the perpetrators of today to become the victims of tomorrow. The rotations are so symmetrical that they are virtually inescapable.

I am thankful that I know the difference between being rich and being wealthy. To be rich is very simple – you give something of value that nobody else is giving. To be wealthy is a little more difficult- you have to solve problems that have baffled others for some time.

I am thankful that I express myself without the fear of being wrong, even when I am the lone voice.

I am thankful that I know two ways religion kills people. The first way is by transferring the responsibility of your survival to the highly respected great one in the sky, and the second is by imposing the survival of the highly respected great one in the sky into your little hands down on earth.

I am thankful that we work hard and still find the time to pause and laugh. Laughter rejuvenates worn-out muscles.

I am thankful that my friends still consider me their friend even when I do not keep in touch as I used to.

I am thankful that my flaws do not eat up my self-esteem. They should not eat up yours. Everyone counts, irrespective of the flaws they carry along.

I am thankful that those who can bend their knees down enough allow the blanket of life to cover their whole body.

I am thankful that I know how much I need to know before I know how little I know.

I am thankful that the mountains and valleys of our lives are just flyovers and subways to the city in the sun.

I am thankful that my marriage was not made in heaven but in the heart of a special woman, Edna, who I can reach with smiles, tears and fears.  

I am thankful for the impression of me as an all-knowing, all-powerful, wealthy man that my kids, Ijeamaka and Ogonna, have.  

I am thankful for my parents, Hon. J. C. and Madam C. C. Okonkwo, for teaching me how to think for myself.  

I am thankful I can make sacrifices despite the embarrassing moral authority they try to confer on me.  

I am thankful for my annoying habits. Otherwise, I would think I am perfect.  

I am thankful for those who curse me out – they love me. Even though neither they nor I often believe it.  

I am thankful I am good at something. I just have to find out what the hell that thing is.

I am thankful that despite all our differences, we have all agreed that there is a division of labor – ekelu olu eke.

Happy Thanksgiving.